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Talking about sexual issues with your partner

By The Healthy Women Team

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Sex is likely to be one of the most sensitive subjects you'll ever talk to your partner about.

It's ironic that you've already taken the emotional plunge of falling in love, you've shared so much together and maybe even pledged to be together for the rest of your lives, yet starting a conversation about sex can be a prospect that makes you hesitate much more than anything else in your relationship to date.

Talking about sex doesn't always come easily

You're not alone. It might be good to talk. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's always easy to bring up delicate issues that are so closely intertwined with your own sense of confidence and desire for satisfaction.

If your sex life has dwindled over time, virtually ground to a halt after having a baby, or your sex drives seem mismatched, with one of you wanting more sex than the other, it may even seem easier just to let sleeping partners lie rather than explore the obvious (but often politely ignored) gap that has opened up between you.

Sexual issues can lead to emotional withdrawal

Possibly even more emotional is if one of you has a sexual issue with physical symptoms - such as pain during sex, difficulties having an orgasm, problems getting an erection or premature ejaculation.

Any of these common but disconcerting experiences may create a distressing situation for both of you, that can eventually lead to emotional withdrawal.

Patterns of communication between the sexes

It's an old and unfortunate cliché that women want to discuss the intimate detail of relationships, while men avoid it whenever possible. But various studies¹ do actually support this cliché and highlight a typical pattern in distressed relationships where the woman makes demands and the man withdraws from the discussion, especially from any negative issues that he can't solve easily.

You can probably guess where this is leading...

If you want to discuss any concerns you have about your sex life with your partner, complaining, demanding change or laying blame is not likely to lead to renewed passion and intimacy. He's more likely to start staying up late watching re-runs of Top Gear than racing you up the stairs.

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