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Talking about sexual issues with your partner

By The Healthy Women Team

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Sex after birth

Choosing when to have sex again after giving birth can be as nerve-wracking as having sex for the very first time. Your body has changed (probably not for the better, you fear). Perhaps you're concerned that sensations will be decreased, both for you and for him.

Psychologically everything is different too. It's likely that the birth has had such a profound impact on your lives that feeling sexy is the last thing on your mind. But rest assured that these changes - physical or psychological - are unlikely to last forever.

During these early weeks and months of parenting, being honest about your desires or lack of desires, and sensitive to each other's needs and anxieties can help to maintain your sense of intimacy, until you are ready to be sexual again.

Can't get no satisfaction?

If you find it hard to achieve orgasm, you're not alone. Relate suggests that one in four women struggle to reach orgasm at some stage in their life, while some 70 percent of women never have penetrative orgasms⁴.

Rather than remaining frustrated by this situation, relaxing before and during sex is the most important way to reach orgasm⁴. Talking openly to your partner about what turns you on could not just improve your rate of orgasm, but could transform your sex life in ways you hadn't even imagined.

If like many women you need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, guide your partner to show him how you like to be touched. As long as this is done in a sensual and encouraging way, your partner will probably be more than happy to follow your lead.

When it's his problem

If your partner sometimes finds it difficult to achieve an erection, or conversely if he ejaculates prematurely, it's important to seem relaxed about it rather than raising his anxiety levels unnecessarily.

After all, approximately 30 to 40 percent of men experience premature ejaculation⁵, while 40 percent of men experience erection problems by the age of 40⁶. So these are both common conditions and most likely to be overcome in time.

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